I don't know if you have ever had this happen to you, but just when I really thought things were starting to flow and gain a little momentum, all of a sudden, I started reverting
back to old habits and behaviors that have
kept me stuck right where I am.
Almost as if I was doing it in spite of myself, It seemed that I was sabotaging myself in a myriad of ways...and all the while I kept hearing this little voice of disapproval whispering to me..."what. are. you. doing?"
I remember many times hearing the old phrase...when it all starts to fall apart, it is actually falling together...and this week, it seemed that everything was falling apart.
When I finally jolted awake in the middle of the night, the only words I could hear in my head were these...YOU WILL NEVER BE THE PERSON I KNOW YOU TRULY WANT TO BE... UNTIL YOU LET GO OF WHAT NO LONGER SERVES YOU!
Boom...just like that.
So what did I do? Did I cry and feel sorry for myself? Yes. Did I feel regret and self loathing? Yes...but then... I did something radical. I wrote myself a love letter.
No matter who you are or what your circumstances are, we all have a witness and whether you want to call it spirit, or intuition or God, it's all the same. Author Sarah Ban Breathnach calls it your "Authentic Self", and it is not only audience to our every move, thought or action...it's also the co-pilot of our life. And finally, my co-pilot had decided it was time to stop whispering, and time to start shaking things up...
So...I surrendered and just began to write. I couldn't believe how clear everything was and how lovingly kind I was able to be...direct and serious, but kind. It was like all of the thoughts that had been swirling around in my head creating a mind numbing chatter of confusion all stopped in one instance and suddenly I felt seen, supported and loved... witness to my own self love, honesty and grace.
What a blessing...exhausting, but beautifully poignant.
What I know for sure is that when we start to think bigger and truly want more...then we unconsciously outgrow our old ways, living in new intentions and new possibilities. The more attuned we become to what matters most to us, the more acutely we feel dissatisfied with what is, and suddenly the status quo HAS TO change. Although we have grown accustomed to living uncomfortably comfortable where we are... there comes a moment where it becomes glaringly obvious what no longer serves us...and finally the light goes on.
It is actually the act of hanging on for dear life and defying our underlying truth, that creates the inner turmoil and chaos of spirit in the first place...and when that becomes undeniably distracting and exhausting, it's time to let go.
Hey, we all have stuff... Maybe for you its unplugging from social media to work on that project you have been putting off, or playing less Candy Crush Saga...maybe its committing to eating better and losing that 20 pounds once and for all... maybe its letting go of your addiction to sugar or gossiping...maybe it's letting go of toxic friends or crippling perfectionism...maybe it's committing to living within your means and not overspending... maybe it's getting clean... or just saying you're sorry.
Whatever it is for you, whatever has been holding you back from living up to your highest potential...you will know...and if you let it, spirit will show you the love you need to heal and forgive yourself. And if you can't seem to get out of your own way, try writing yourself a love letter...and see how much clearer everything becomes when you surrender...because YOU are the best friend you will ever have...and
you don't have to wait until you fall all the way down...before you pick yourself up. :)
( that's a tweetable)
With love and light and deep appreciation,
Did this blog post speak to you? If it did, it would honor me if you would share it with the people you love...Tweet it, Post on Facebook, Pin It or Email it using the links below...and if the spirit moves you, leave a comment below...you are my hero.